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A Day’s Reflection.

22 December 2012

I’m still dazed. I feel a bit like I took a painless blow to the head from a prizefighter. I’m dizzy and sideways and befuddled. I have been offered my dream job at one of the world’s finest hospitals. I will be transitioning from a poor-to-mediocre tertiary facility to a glittering, futuristic outpost on the blade’s edge of medicine and health care. I will be nicely compensated. I will have publishing privileges. I negotiated a $2,000/yr professional development budget so that I can attend a conference to keep up with my field, or publish in an open access journal. I think one or two papers a year is a reasonable expectation. That is not how I’ll be evaluated.

I’m nervous about moving. I’m nervous about a new job. I’m scared I won’t be good enough or smart enough and savvy enough. I’m going to a place where people care about their work, and what they do. I’m coming from a place where, except for the PIs and biostatisticians, no one gives a rat’s ass about the quality of their work it seems. That attitude is infections, virulent. I haven’t been at my best the past six months there. Not knowing that there was no administrative support for my position.

I am going to be doing what I studied to do. One of those jobs that Nature arrogantly considers “alternative”. I will be developing my own ideas and methods to improve patient experience and optimize delivery of health care. I will be solving difficult problems. I will be making a difference in the health care system. With the backing of a renowned institution. I’m nervous and afraid and full of wonderment about how to proceed. And I’m going to figure it all out.

Because I am a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And this is what we do. We have big, real world lives that make a difference. Free from our addictions and able to face the world. I can’t begin to tell you, you who don’t know the horrifying claustrophobia of the bottle, how amazing that is.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Syd permalink
    22 December 2012 13:20

    I know the feeling of uncertainty and lack of a firm self-image. It was still due to alcoholism but from a different perspective of the disease. It’s still a bitch, no matter what. But I believe that you will do well. And one day, you will ask yourself, what was all the fuss and worry about.

  2. Mona permalink
    22 December 2012 13:20

    When I first started reading this post, I thought you were coming down with vertigo! 😉 A new job and moving sounds extremely nerve-wracking, but it will be very exciting and it’ll be fun to watch you go through the process. Since this is such a high quality place, you’ll have to work your ass off to prove to them that they made the right decision, and that will feel great. I’m so happy for you that this worked out, although all of us spectators knew it would. 🙂

  3. 22 December 2012 15:58

    Good luck again although I don’t believe you need it. Great example you set.

    I do though have to say in my sobriety I’ve not had the same luck I believe this is because I was the ace liar and cheat and kept a job I never deserved through my drinking. Today I really struggle to stay in a job at all importer syndrome not a lot of it I am the imposter for real! You aren’t you are an example of how to do this properly.

  4. NatC permalink
    22 December 2012 17:15

    I am so unbelievably happy for you. I can’t wait to see what happens next! 🙂 Congratulations. You are an inspiration.

  5. 31 December 2012 02:08

    Just found your blog, and glad I did! Look forward to exploring more! (Congrats on the “big” job, btw!)

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