Hurtling Through Time.

Things are happening very, very rapidly. I feel like time is compressing. Each hour that passes in my mind, three do on the clock. I am aging in the mirror. In an attic somewhere, a picture of me is handsome and robust. I wither. I feel a bit like garbage because for the past week I’ve been eating garbage. That’s always the way when I travel to conferences. Somehow, I just can’t make myself eat well. I try. It doesn’t work. And my excercise has dropped off as well, though I’ve still been getting some walking in. On the whole, I am simply astonished and terrified and baffled by everything that’s happening.

But I have accomplished a lot. The movers are almost here. A week and a half until they arrive and pack up all my things and disassemble my piano and wrap up all my glassware and haul it all to ECC and disgorge it into my new apartment. I’ll be ready. There is so much that has to be done. But for the most part, I have done it. All my utilities except water are being shut off. I’m a little concerned a cold snap could damage the pipes, so I’ll probably close the valve and drain the house. It’ll be a pain in the ass for my renter to refill all the pipes, but that’s better than discovering the place has incredible water damage because of a freeze.

I’ve scheduled utilities for my new place. Unbundled my phone and internet. Set up my new internet and cable. Turned off my satellite dish. Scheduled the gas company to turn off the service the same day I move. There’s just an incredible amount of stuff required to make a house work. I remember someone once calling a house a “large, decaying object.” That’s about right. Walk away from your house for a couple of months, and it’ll fall down. I can’t wait to have an apartment. Hopefully soon, a condo. Of course, that’d mean another move in a year. I’m shuddering and sweating just thinking about it.

I’m trying to deal with human resources at my current, ending, job. There are a few people there who know what they’re doing, it’s true. But everyone takes their sweet time about it. I don’t have a lot of sweet time left to wait for their lollygagging. Especially not now when every day that passes is actually like three days. But I’ll get two more paychecks from my current job. A regular one, and then one that has only one day on it but which has the payout for my unused vacation time. Which will end up being about a paycheck and a half, unless I use some more next week, as I will have about 110 hours of leave saved up. And then, nothing until my new job cuts me my first paycheck in early April.

I’ve done all the things. I can’t begin to fathom how people do this without taking lots of time off, and spending lots of money. I know they do. But I lack that gene. Maybe I’m just lazy? But I have never figured out how to move without taking lots of time and spending lots of money. I am, for an engineer, not accustomed to a great deal of thoroughness. Not when it comes to my personal hobbies and ambitions. I’ve never become a very good pianist, despite a reasonable amount of talent, because I don’t have the discipline to do it. That’s been a confounding factor for me in many things in life.

I’m feeling nervous because I haven’t talked to my supervisors at my new job much at all. I can’t seen to get them over email. I don’t know if they are just busy, or maybe aren’t supposed to talk to me before I am officially an employee, or what. But it makes me nervous. I picked a later starting date than they wanted me to pick, because I know that I need a vacation and a chance to settle-in in ECC, and frankly, when am I going to get 35 days in a row off again in my adult life? But not hearing from them makes my brain start buzzing: what if they feel like they made a mistake? What if they don’t want me? What if they’re annoyed with me? Why haven’t they contacted me about the project they wanted advice on? What am I to do now?

The answer of course, is: it’s not personal. Life is going on for me and for them. All is well. And I don’t need to worry. If something were wrong, if they didn’t want me, they’d tell me. This is my own stupid paranoia having its way with me. They have committed to investing a lot of time, effort, and money in my work. They want me to succeed. They believe in my capabilities, and are looking forward to my work. Thought is my enemy.

Things are proceeding. This will go well. In 12 days, I leave for ECC. What a world.