Brain Fatigue.

Yesterday I gave a 20 minute talk to the bigwigs at MECMC. The talk went very well, and my boss was quite pleased. And our chief bigwig was saying that I need to be cloned so that we can get more work done for the hospital using the tools I employ (I’m essentially the only person doing what I do here.). So it was nice to be told I’m useful and hopefully there will be senior support for me to hire some post-docs, data/stats folks, and implementation specialists and set about doing a lot of good work here. That would put me at sort of an associate-professor-level position, with a lab and hard money and grant submitting and publication privileges. And if I get there, I’ll have exactly what I’ve always wanted career-wise. I think.

I was talking with BB last night about it. It does seem that every time I achieve a new goalpost in my career, one that I’ve said: “When I have that, I’ll have what I want!”, I’ve been wrong, and wanted more. Is that dissatisfaction? Or is that ambition? Is not wanting more just complacency? Where is equilibrium? Where is the point where I say: “I am satisfied rising no higher. I have my life’s work to do here.”? I am not sure. But I truly do feel that I’m close right now. I am doing what I trained to do. People are pleased with my work and want more. I feel good.

But I have been working hard for a long time without a break, and I am really looking forward to my tiny vacation next week. BB and I are winging away to a foreign land for four nights over the holiday. (Email me an address if you want a postcard!) It will be good to check out, and relax, and not think for a while. I also booked our spring trip. To celebrate my whole first year on the job here at MECMC, I’m taking two weeks off and going very, very far away indeed. Close to as far as it is possible to go. At least while staying in the northern hemisphere.

My mind is checked out already, and I have three-and-a-half more days of work before I get to leave. But soon I will be far away, with my new love, recharging. I am enchanted by the prospect and having difficulty thinking of any other things. Luckily, I don’t have too much else to do until after the holiday. Work has slowed a trifle, and I’ll be ready to go when I get back. In the meantime, life is good and I’m happy, and I think that in about three weeks I’ll own a new house. Probably.