Stagnant.

I find myself with little to write about at the moment. My job proceeds. I’ve talked to my boss about my fuck-ups last week and she was positive and – while agreeing that my performance was substandard – asserts that she has confidence I’ll improve. We talked about the amount and type of work being a little overwhelming for me now, and we’re going to make a couple of little tweaks that will enable me to address my issues better.

Mostly, I feel like I need some time off. I want to rest. I last took some vacation back in August, and complaining about not having had a vacation for three whole months is pretty goddamn entitled, even for me. But I am taking a four day weekend over Thanksgiving, and that will be nice. My plan is to take the week between Christmas and the New Year off as well. That works out to a 10-day vacation for 4 days of leave the way the holidays work this year. I’ll be spending the New Year in Virginia with BB’s family, which will be nice.

I’ve been much better about my eating for the past two weeks, and I’ve lost about four pounds. It’s hard work to maintain a normal eating habit for me, but I’m succeeding at the moment and feeling better about my weight. I’d like to drop 15-20 pounds, but I don’t know that I can keep up the discipline for that kind of time. I’m exercising a little less, and eating a lot fewer calories. That’s made me tireder.

I’m just feeling out of sorts and vaguely… I don’t know. Some people warned me about an emotional drop after the marathon. The goal is accomplished, the exercise drops, endorphins recede. Now I’m trying to put together a plan for the winter. For continuing to move forward in the new year. I’m tired and kind of sad and feeling slow and stupid and alienated. So, par for the course.

I have a lot of work to do and I’m having trouble getting myself up for it. Such is life. Whatever’s next will be next.