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Settling In.

8 February 2017

Three days later, the decision to suspend marathon training and concentrate on the half is sitting very well. I just don’t have the mental stamina to muster for the runs in the long teens and low twenty miles. It beats me up physically and mentally, and I’m happy to be sitting back, doing my weekly 22-25 miles, and getting fit to run 13.1. I’m happy about the decision and feel a lot of relief.

Could I have done the marathon? Yes. But I don’t need to prove that to myself anymore. I’ve done it. I’ve done two and I’ve done them both honorably. I’m proud of those accomplishments. But I need to remember my alcoholic brain: more is not always better. I don’t always need to go as far as I can. Or as fast. It’s perfectly acceptable and even a positive to chose a distance I truly enjoy and concentrate on doing that.

I don’t need to go faster. I don’t need to set records. I simply need to keep doing what I’m doing that works for me. That’s how sobriety works. I don’t set records in sobriety. I don’t go faster or further. I simply keep doing what works for me. And that’s how it’s been nearly nine years and I’m still sober. So, I’m going to keep going at the pace and distance I enjoy. 13.1 miles is a great race.

And that’s what is going to have to be my philosophy with this political administration. I can’t do a million things today to bring it down. It’s going to take steady, daily pressure. Thoughtful actions. Lots of losses and few, occasional wins. And that’s what I’m going to have to do. Settle in. Work daily, and move forward.

One Comment leave one →
  1. psycgirl permalink
    8 February 2017 18:21

    This sounds like a good decision for you. This is how I felt deciding not to submit my grant application. I can do it, but I don’t need to. I’ve proven to myself I can get funding, so now I can do the next right thing for me.

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