Visitation.

Today, in about three hours, my mother is visiting ECC and me for a few days. She decided to stay in a hotel, which makes me very, very relieved. When I had my house in St. Louis and she visited, obviously, she stayed with me. But this tiny apartment isn’t really fit to welcome guests who don’t share my bed. The bathroom is only accessible through the bedroom and no sonic isolation between the living room and the bedroom. Yes, I’m aware that this kind of privacy is an unbelievable luxury afforded to only a privileged few, even in the US. But it’s my home, and it feels creepy to have my mother have to tiptoe through my bedroom to use the bathroom after I go to bed.

It’ll be nice to have my mom visit. Compared with the past decade, I’ve seen my family a lot recently. Three or four times in the past two and a half years. Prior to that it was about once every other year. Despite my frequent complaining, I like my family. I especially like being able to spend time one-on-one with people. That’s the best kind of interaction for me. I get overwhelmed in large groups, even my family, and feel like I need to go be by myself. Then I end up insulting people because I’ve spent so much of my rare family time apart from people. I get that. And I know it comes of as selfish. I can’t really explain the sensory/emotional overload that happens. It’s just there. It happens in all kinds of groups, and I end up needing solitary time.

But I’m excited to see my mom and explore ECC a little while she’s here. She’s from New York City, and knows better than I do how to get around in a big city. Sure, I’ve traveled all over the world, but that’s nothing compared with actually living in a major metropolis for much of one’s life. We’re going out to a couple of good restaurants and I got us tickets to see a great String Quartet on Sunday afternoon.  I’m super excited about that, and about trying the nice restaurant just down the street from me, for which I got reservations tonight.

So I’m settling in and things are feeling good. I’m composing, which is crucial to my well-being. And I’m starting to feel a little bit more like this is my city. I walk every day in big loops around the city. I’ve ridden busses and even took the subway once. I’ve tried a few nice restaurants and coffee shops and found a couple of places that I think I’ll enjoy calling my own. I’ve found places where other sober alcoholics congregate to recover. I think I’ll be ok here.