Annoyance and Frustration.

In separating from my old employer, I have a couple of financial things to handle. I want to withdraw my retirement contributions because I didn’t stay long enough with the organization to earn a pension (I know! Who has pensions anymore?!). My contributions were small, and summed to only about $2,500 in four and a half years. But that’s a nice chunk of change to be getting back. I thought.

It turns out that I have to notify my ex-wife about the withdrawal. I know she doesn’t want to hear from me, and our divorce agreement states that she gave up rights to my retirement fund. But in order to receive a repayment, she has to send in a signed, witnessed statement to that effect. I would be surprised if she does that promptly or even at all. There are, of course, procedures for if she refuses to acknowledge the note I send, etc.. But I have to make the effort. I don’t even know where she lives, though I have email for her, and I know where her parents live.

I think I’ve decided to offer her half of the amount I accrued while we were married, which will come out to about $500. Even though I believe that I am not legally required to do so, I think it’s the right thing to do. When I took the job, I had every intention of retiring with my then-wife. Whether or not it is required, it is fair that she get half the retirement I earned while we were married. I confess I might feel differently if that were a lot of money. But in the world we live in, it feels pretty stingy to not offer her that amount.

So I’ll calculate the exact amount as soon as I know it, and write her an email asking her where to send the form. Our divorce agreement also requires us to promptly provide one another with any legal documentation, and I’m hopeful she’ll do that. We’ll see. As I said, there are options if she doesn’t. It’s just a headache. And I feel pretty confident she’d rather just not hear from me at all. But that does not seem to be an option that I have.

And of course, my alcoholic mind wants, in the first place, to lie and just check off the ‘unmarried’ box and pretend it will all go away. And you know what? It might. But that kind of dishonesty is not part of the world I aspire to live in now. I really, really don’t want to hurt my ex, and I feel like contacting her under any pretext does that. But I don’t see another option. So I’ll do the hard right thing and see what happens.