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Fitting in.

1 May 2015

When people make pointed effort to remind you that you don’t fit in, it’s ok to be gracious and agree with them. I don’t need to fit in to every place. I don’t need to be a member of every group. I don’t need to wedge myself into places I’m not welcome, or that are just generally unwelcoming.

When we first get sober we are often told that we need to change all the people, places, and things that associated with our drinking, our desires to drink, and our generally toxic behavior. Trying to fit in where I’m not welcome is one of my toxic behaviors. It’s vain. It’s self-centered.

I find myself changing my behaviors and modifying my nature to try to achieve stature in groups that are manifestly hostile. I don’t know why I do it, other than to feed my ego. I like to be seen as an important member of the community. I often don’t focus on whether that community is a positive place for me. I often don’t consider if the person I have to be to fit in is a person I admire and respect.

Being sober is so much more than not drinking. It’s recognizing what things represent intoxicants in my life. What do I do to pursue them? What does that cost me? And when I recognize that I’m participating in a toxic environment, what am I willing to do to stop? What am I willing to do for serenity?

2 Comments leave one →
  1. aimee permalink
    1 May 2015 18:12

    I have a hunch you are talking about an online environment. It’s my personal opinion that those groups are worse than middle school for clique-ness and drama.

  2. Syd permalink
    3 May 2015 21:01

    I have learned that it’s okay to not fit in. But there are times where it hurts when I don’t. I get what you are writing about here.

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