So Many Things.

Well, I have left Philadelphia for good. The house was packed up, loaded, and driven away. We expect to meet all of our belongings in Seattle in about a week and a half. In the meantime, we’ve come to southern Virginia to visit with BB’s family. The long process of moving two households is nearly done. The unloading and unpacking will likely be a huge project, but we’ll get it done one step at a time like we’ve gotten all of this done one step at a time.

I had my last AA men’s meeting in Philadelphia. I went to the meeting, and they asked me to lead it. I did. And then the men went around the room and many of them described how I’ve helped them. It was especially nice to hear that some of the things I’ve said helped a couple of men who had been in and out a lot finally put together some longer-term sobriety. Brian, especially, told me that something I’d said once had helped him see that what he thought he wanted, and what he really wanted, were different. Brian had been in and out for 10 years, but he’s almost two years sober now.

Then we went out to dinner. I got to see the core group of guys with long-term sobriety who’ve been my friends for the whole time I’ve been in Philly. It was nice to have that. I’m going to miss those assholes.

We now spend the weekend in South Virginia and then drive west into the unknown. I’m looking forward to the drive and hopeful the weather holds up. It’s a ludicrous plan, driving over the Rocky Mountains in February. But that’s the plan, and we’re going to execute it. We have provisions and warm clothes. We have liquids and flares and a lighter or two and a knife. I know how to change a tire. We’re gonna be fine.

Seattle. A new job. A new life. A cohabitational living arrangement. So many new things and ideas and plans. It’s a lot of stress but a lot of hope. I’m excited and eager. And anxious and scared. But I feel ready for the challenge. I feel capable. It’s new for me to feel this way in my life. Instead of cowering, I’m challenging. I’m rising. I feel like a man.